Life's Landscape

I look at my faith as stepping stones A long path of learning Until I finally get to solid ground I stay awhile and enjoy the blessings But will yearn for a new journey Where Universe will send me on a walk To learn even more Each stone a lesson, through any storm They'll grow larger as I grow older Clear messages received I'll thank the Almighty in the end For my life's landscape, so weathered And appreciated. Amen

Destination's Journey

My mind is a jumbled mess full of what feels like an electrical current So many thoughts inside they burn crossing currents of ideas So many roads of thought links make sense but not falling apart at the crossroad I'm not one to ponder Deciding which way to go Decision is made, sparkplug, go Destination unknown, but wishing to fit into this place of conformity, might I be the grace We are all a piece of the fabric That makes the mighty cloak of this world I leave my artistic stroke

The Attic

I wrote this a few years ago and I'm reminded of "the hill". I grew up on Capital Hill in Seattle where all the Irish Catholics swarmed the streets. Facebook now has a group page called "Hillers" and we are all basking in the glow of memories lit up like an old picture film. Here is my poem about my childhood home that I miss greatly.

The Attic
That muggy lived in room, held the key to the memories of family members who once occupied it. It took on the personality of all its’ occupants, at least 10 I know of.
Room designs I now recall, Farrah and Olivia posters belonging to the crush inhabited by brother Terry, Christy Brinkley posters admired by sister Theresa who admired beauty.
In the end, mattresses, boxes, dust, covered the light/shadow patterns on the floor.
The West window, tiny as a cubbyhole, performed as watchtower to the neighborhood or solace from life’s storms.
Open the door, climb the deep wooden stairs, pull the string to bring in dim light, and find secrets in treasures left behind by life’s authors. Or search for memories of feelings once felt as an adolescent in search of her soul.
Ancient electrical wires veil the spiritual vault that no longer exists for this family, but remains in their hearts.
I miss the attic.

NOW

NOW

I find myself in the same state of mind as I was in at 19yrs of age, in looking for new employment after 26yrs of dedication and now a part of the massive layoff. When I was young I was scared of the big world, not ready for me and I not ready for it.

My sister helped me get my foot in the door. I had many mentors in a time where not having a college degree didn’t matter, but hard work and ethics did. In the end not many mentors were left and ethics, what are ethics? It became a competitive environment in a crazy corporate world, with all grabbing the rails to stay on the sinking ship.

Now I am 46yrs of age and still not ready for the world as I have known it. I’m not sure I want to do the jobs I’ve done all these years, unappreciated, bullied, second guessed, but I have no idea where to begin to start this second phase of life. I have no leads, no heart or drive to figure it all out. Fear and worry take over me.

I am counting on Publishers Clearing House coming to my door any day now. Lord knows I have sent in my entries since I was 18yrs old. So my doorbell is working, for my luck is due. But Lord I just don’t know what I want to do.

So as written in my recent poem “A Crossroad”, I’ll do my very best and hope and pray for the same, in this new life changing quest.

Wish me luck!!

A Crossroad

Here is a new poem. Nice to have the prose back this evening.
After 26 years working for the same wonderful company (I started at 19yrs of age) I find mysefelf at this crossroad after being laid off, after the Company sold out. I feel my dad as inspiration tonight.
I'll be OK. Oh yes I will. :)


A Crossroad


Well here I am at a crossroad

46 years into life

do I take the left, go straight

Or do I take the right


Some might see in this, politics

Quick reaction to tough times

of fear and media judgment

That is not on my mind


Instead I would like to travel

A simple spiritual life

My beautiful surroundings

Those I love and those I might


I am blessed with nature's symphony

Breeze, birds, leaves clap applause

With hopes of years, abundant happiness

To go and take this flight.

The Moment

I wrote a poem several years ago called “The Moment”.

I grew up as a worry wort. I revisit those feelings often. I take the energy of so much around me that I suffer from panic attacks at times.

Awhile back I had a lot on my mind. Frustrations, but then again ideas, ideas, ideas. I had a hard time calming myself to sleep. I thought “what will calm me?”

Then I remembered yet again, that as a young child I found calm and comfort in my Dad’s heartbeat. I would curl up next to him as he read a book or newspaper. He would let me settle in and I took full advantage of listening to his strong, peaceful, yet booming heartbeat.

I placed my hands over my heart and I tapped, and tapped until I found the sound of his heartbeat. I kept it going for several minutes and then suddenly burst into tears. I so missed him and needed him but he was already there.

We all need moments to find that release that comes in a momentous cryfest. Boy did I have mine, and it was much needed. I felt cleansed of all the toxins that have been building up.

Here is my poem. And all you parents out there, let your children snuggle in for the spiritual feed from your heartbeats.
________________________________________________________

The Moment

Does he offer?
Do I ask?
Affection’s feed
Becomes the task.
I nestle to
His blanketed side,
Hearing life’s heartbeat,
His every sigh.
The book he reads,
Lay upon his lap
No longer read,
Awakened nap?
His little girl
Wish again it’d be
That moment
From eternity

Introduction - Random Acts of Kindness

Well here I am. After much thought and procrastination I've decided to share my words and thoughts with all of you. My many friends and family have pushed me in this direction and now seems to be the right time. Universe is pushing me in this direction with a recent layoff after 25yrs working for the same company. I started there at 19yrs of age, and I still feel like a kid but at 46. Folks on Facebook seem to enjoy my notes and comments so I am branching out to share with more folks who might share in my insights.

I will start with "Random Acts of Kindness". I wrote this a few years ago when I was in the tunnel of emotions dealing with my Mother's unknown preparations to leave this world and that particular life.

RANDOm ACTS OF KINDNESS

It was spring, just like today, glorious buzzing, humming spring. But I was not present. I was in the throws of decision. Mom was going through a rough spot and we all were trying to come to terms with her leaving, and there were many of those moments. I was relieved that soon she would be at peace and that Universe would take her to Dad, Frank and all those who were waiting for her. I was also angry that I wasn’t ready to let go because she told me “I feel 35yrs old in a 80yr old body! Did I do all that God expected of me?” I gave her the best answers I could and as honestly as I could with hopes that she would believe them. She hung on until just after Thanksgiving and just after Kevin’s proposal, that she never knew of but did in spirit.

So one evening, with a heavy heart, I departed my evening bus (in Marysville at the time). There was that bright sun, and green like Ireland, just everywhere, and a cloak of gray that blanketed it all, and that I could not toss away. I walked towards my car, and I saw something there, on the windshield. A note? A religious invitation? A diet plan I can’t live without? As I got closer I saw the small bundle of flowers, perhaps weeds for they are beautiful, safely tucked under the windshield wiper. I gathered them gently and raised them up, turned around and said “Thank You!” to whoever might have performed the kind gesture. I also thanked Dad, Frank and Connie who may have prompted the kind soul to feel the need to make a person’s day a bit brighter. I was enlightened!! By one kind gesture.

So I would like to send out a thought to you all. How about, everyday, we all send out to another, a smile, hello, or ask someone if they need help, or gather a bundle of flowers? Or listen to a stranger who just needs a little of your time. You have no idea how much you can fill another’s spirit and soul when they just might be needing it more than ever. I still remember that kind gesture and always will.