NOW

NOW

I find myself in the same state of mind as I was in at 19yrs of age, in looking for new employment after 26yrs of dedication and now a part of the massive layoff. When I was young I was scared of the big world, not ready for me and I not ready for it.

My sister helped me get my foot in the door. I had many mentors in a time where not having a college degree didn’t matter, but hard work and ethics did. In the end not many mentors were left and ethics, what are ethics? It became a competitive environment in a crazy corporate world, with all grabbing the rails to stay on the sinking ship.

Now I am 46yrs of age and still not ready for the world as I have known it. I’m not sure I want to do the jobs I’ve done all these years, unappreciated, bullied, second guessed, but I have no idea where to begin to start this second phase of life. I have no leads, no heart or drive to figure it all out. Fear and worry take over me.

I am counting on Publishers Clearing House coming to my door any day now. Lord knows I have sent in my entries since I was 18yrs old. So my doorbell is working, for my luck is due. But Lord I just don’t know what I want to do.

So as written in my recent poem “A Crossroad”, I’ll do my very best and hope and pray for the same, in this new life changing quest.

Wish me luck!!

A Crossroad

Here is a new poem. Nice to have the prose back this evening.
After 26 years working for the same wonderful company (I started at 19yrs of age) I find mysefelf at this crossroad after being laid off, after the Company sold out. I feel my dad as inspiration tonight.
I'll be OK. Oh yes I will. :)


A Crossroad


Well here I am at a crossroad

46 years into life

do I take the left, go straight

Or do I take the right


Some might see in this, politics

Quick reaction to tough times

of fear and media judgment

That is not on my mind


Instead I would like to travel

A simple spiritual life

My beautiful surroundings

Those I love and those I might


I am blessed with nature's symphony

Breeze, birds, leaves clap applause

With hopes of years, abundant happiness

To go and take this flight.

The Moment

I wrote a poem several years ago called “The Moment”.

I grew up as a worry wort. I revisit those feelings often. I take the energy of so much around me that I suffer from panic attacks at times.

Awhile back I had a lot on my mind. Frustrations, but then again ideas, ideas, ideas. I had a hard time calming myself to sleep. I thought “what will calm me?”

Then I remembered yet again, that as a young child I found calm and comfort in my Dad’s heartbeat. I would curl up next to him as he read a book or newspaper. He would let me settle in and I took full advantage of listening to his strong, peaceful, yet booming heartbeat.

I placed my hands over my heart and I tapped, and tapped until I found the sound of his heartbeat. I kept it going for several minutes and then suddenly burst into tears. I so missed him and needed him but he was already there.

We all need moments to find that release that comes in a momentous cryfest. Boy did I have mine, and it was much needed. I felt cleansed of all the toxins that have been building up.

Here is my poem. And all you parents out there, let your children snuggle in for the spiritual feed from your heartbeats.
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The Moment

Does he offer?
Do I ask?
Affection’s feed
Becomes the task.
I nestle to
His blanketed side,
Hearing life’s heartbeat,
His every sigh.
The book he reads,
Lay upon his lap
No longer read,
Awakened nap?
His little girl
Wish again it’d be
That moment
From eternity